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I think I have found the cure for exam woe. It also won't harm the graduation diet.

the muppets!!

Seriously, it's difficult to stay upset and think you are failing your exams when the muppets are being crazy, or playing happy songs or whatever. I knew a 10 minute youtube break would be worth it!


Well today has been marginally productive. Woke up late- as always- but vaguely motvated. Spoke to Mum on the phone and it made me feel much better about the exam and next year, and helped quell some of the fears that I am making the biggest mistake of my life. Will call home later as we were rudely interrupted, but not til Dad is home from work. I'm a real Daddy's girl, so he can make anything better. Decided to head back to the 6th century a week sunday as I have to start work experience on the 1st June. Can't believe I'm 20 and doing work experience, but I guess at 15 you can't really lecture college students...
Still unhappy about leaving Cardiff, but I'll be back and forth quite a bit so I can wean myself off of it a bit.

Anyway, after the phone call I finally finished Charitable trusts and Duties and Powers of Trustees. Just started tracing, which I fortunately understand, so onyl have three parts left. Housemate did well in her final exam today so is happy. She is moving out on Sunday and I will miss her. Neither of us can believe it has been two years already. She'll be back in the hosue next year though, so around for when I randomly decide to visit.

Going to head to fencing later to pick up my kit. I dont really want to train, just need to get some fresh air, post my voting slip and get kit. I should probably fence before the upcoming competitions, esp as the next one is next weekend, and whilst there are only 19 of us in my weapon at the moment, I'd like to at least make last 16, even if I do get knocked out before the quarter finals- I want to redeem myself after the mess up I made of the Student Champs where I dropped from 1st to 4th- missed out on a medal by one stupid loss!

Ah well back to tracing, and whether C can trace in equity or law......

May. 21st, 2009

Currently suffering form SLM aka Serious Loss of Motivation. All I can think about is how much more I knew before my exams last year and i only got 2:1s- even the exam where they gave us identical questions to the practice paper I did, I only got 68. This year I know so much less, my marks are blatantly going to reflect that and I'm not going to get the 2:1 I need. I'll end up with a 2:2 at 59 or something. Part of me knows I should get on with work, but the other part is reminding me that I have an unconditional offer to stay in Cardiff, not doing the course I want, but staying here with my friends. I hate being the only one leaving. It was hard enough being the only one doing crim, and the dissertation, I didn't see half of them in lectures and I always had fencing, so it was rare I could go out with them. I was so glad when they joined me in my end of Dissertation celebrations, but annoyed that I then had to miss bowling with them, miss the times they would go and play pool after lectures. I loved my dissertation, it was interesting and I liked the feeling of being one of the few people who knew my field in any detail (yes it was that specific). All I wanted to be when I was little is someone who could have a room full of books and keep learning. I loved school, I like helping others to learn and teaching them, unfortunately I don't like kids, but I like that feeling of really knowing my subject, and the respect that brings. I just don't want to leave my friends, they are my best friends, I'm closer to them than any of those I grew up with. they all get to do what they want and stay together, I can't. I don't want to move home, I could cope going to bristol away from them if I didn't have to go back home as well.
I guess I'm just left wondering if its going to be worth it. I scared myself yesterday by finding, completely by accident, an essay from last year, written for the course I want to take. It was on my area of law, which is why I came across it, but I barely understood it. Next year I not only need to be able to understand it I need to write it! What if I'm not good enough? What if I can't do the PhD? then what do I do with my life? Work in tesco forever? I swore I wouldn't do that. I'll work there temporarily, but I don't want to be there forever, I can't go to uni and come back to the same job I'd have had if I left at 16, how useless would that be?
I feel like I have been working and revising for ages, as since May last year I was doing dissertation work, and straight through christmas, boxing day I wrote 500 words of it- its just been non-stop. The work has impacted my health- and I want to continue but is it worth it? I can;t think of doing anything else. I also have this feeling, after the last two exams, that I have already failed 1/2 of this year, so why bother doing trusts? I may as well settle for the third, not bother and enjoy my remaining time here. If I've already messed up when I tried hard, i can't really lose anything can I?

May. 16th, 2009

I finished my criminal exam at 12pm thursday. It is now half past ten on Saturday and I am just starting revising for the final exam. The final final, which not only sounds weird, but also feels weird. There is no way I have been at uni for three years already! It has gone so quickly and I can't believe its over. Well undergrad is over, postgrad hopefully stretches out ahead of me for the next 4/5 years!

Recieved a random riddle from L today, and I suck at riddles, unless I can get them within the first few minutes they bug me all day and confuse me :(.  I can;t ignore it though, as that will just look awful. Must resist urge to google it............

Oh well on to trusts.....


Just finished creating the facebook event for my birthday. I think I've invited everyone - its always teh worry that you'll have forgotten someone whose name you just missed, when you intended to invite them!!! The theme is the most random thing you wanted to be when you grew up (which cannot be realted to your degree). I'm gonna be a pirate/knight :D.

Writing off most of today, got up late, went for lunch, now doing facebook stuff so going to get tea, and finish taking down all of my criminal revision for a fresh start tomorrow.


An evening well spent

So far tonight I have written two fic parts, both for different fics, but that is not the point, flirted (which automatically akes an evening well spent), relaxed, watch Xmen, and finally had a conversation with L. L is lovely, great stories to tell, and can still hold a reasonable conversation at 1 am. It was just so easy to talk to her! We both have really random similar interests, and after all the umming and ahhing and confusion and worrying over what to say and how to play things, and turns out, she is just really easy to talk to. I have also successfully avoided anything nearing work or revision. However, I have been up for 20 hours now and have to properly start revision for trusts tomorrow. I also have Crosshands gal heading over at 8 am to pick up some notes i photocopied for her, so must be human by then.

Nos Da pawb!

2 Down, 1 to go....

Well, thats the end of my crim exam. Two exams down and one to go. It wasn't as bad as evidence at least. The questions I had prepared extra for didn't come up- isn't that always the way- so I was left to answer questions on things I hadn't revised very well- what type of criminal law paper doesn't ask about non-fatal offences, theft or defences! Fortunately the three problem questions weren't too bad, but the essay was awful. I don't think the answer I wrote answered the question or involved coherent sentences. I've never gone to pieces before in an exam, so why am I doing it now? 

To make up for the not so brilliant exam, I went for some retail therapy. £67 later I had more clothes and felt much better :D. Shopping is clearly the key to making me feel better! Spending a lazy afternoon and evening away from revision, and will then start properly on trusts tomorrow. Two weeks to learn all of trusts is doable just about. May do some fic writing later as well.



15 hours to go, 113 cases to learn and another stress is added to the day.

I have been hoping to join another GB company and head off on camp with them as a leader, to join my good friend Emma, who I don't see nearly enough, and relax for a week. However, I didn't get my usual summer job (read I am not a GCSE school leaver so they don't want me). As I am jobless, once finals are over I'll be looking for a new job, therefore I can't really say yes I'll go on camp with tehm for a week, and then try and look for a job that will let me take a week off in August. I really want to go though, but I also need the job. My old job had no problem with me doing this, as they just didn't have to pay me for a week. I know the camp really needs the leaders. Can't talk to parents about it and should be focussing on crim tomorrow, but they need an answer.

What to do...



Another day, another 24 hours til an exam ( well 23). I'm beginning to really understand how Jack Bower feels at the end of a season- not again, not another 24 hours. Still not sorted defences yet. Though am currently hovering around the 50 cases mark, which is a bonus as long as I don't freeze. This is supposed to be my best exam to make up all the marks on, but its tres doubtful I will make up anything, Damn my own lazyness to Hades!

Snotbag is being a pain again, insinuating that I didn;t do my job as captain by bringing peoples attention to the comp this weekend and next weekend. Tom and I sent out a message asking everyone who wanted to (given that it is exam time) to contact us and we'd put in a team if people were interested. We sent it a month ago and got no reponse. So to then get a message telling people they may not know about the comp but the new captains were organising it and apologising for not notifying them earlier hurts a lot. Whats ven more cheeky is that snotbag isnt even going to compete for the uni in the event, she is going to compete for a different cardiff club. I find that insulting, but maybe thats the 'Im going to fail' exam mentality talking.

Procrastination again

Still struggling to get through these cases, and my motivation has gone. You;d think after a bad exam my motivation to make up for it would be through the roof, but I'm just so distracted. If I can go to pieces like that once, I'm scared I'll do it again, and if so learning all the cases in the world won't matter as I won;t be able to remember them. I've never had a blank like that before, it scared me. The feeling of knowing absolutely nothing, and having to find words, which just became gibberish, and hoping. I hope I picked up enough marks amongst the gibberish to get a passing mark but I wouldn't be suprised if I didn't. I'd be upset but not suprised.

As for the criminal revision, well it's still ongoing. Fortunately I discovered I don't need to know the ins and outs of sexual offences as they are part of the 20 credit paper and I know (hopefully) homicide and non-fatal offences better. So I'm left with intoxication, insanity, automatism, and property offences. Unfortunately I missed all of the lectures on these due to dissertation meetings, so have to do all the reading I should have done before, tonight so I can go over it tonight and tomorrow. I can't wait til 12pm Thursday. I'll still have an exam left but it will be two weeks away and I can relax rather than procrastinate, without the guilt of not working hanging over me. First however, I need to learn 150 cases and statutes and academics and arguments and things and learn how to answer questions.

On a lighter note however, L added me on facebook, which is random as we have never spoken, but considering that was more cause neither of us wanted to pay the £20 sign up fee, it may not be a bad thing. Can finally see what she's like. Exciting times, but I'm more than a little apprehensive, this could be a big bad mistake, esp as I'm soon to be leaving Cardiff, and I'm stressed with exams and won't make the greatest first impression. Talking online can't be too bad though can it? It's not as if we are meeting. 

Gotta call parentals and tell them how today went, the conversation will not be pretty, but may as well tell them from the outset I think I've messed up. They may have some good advice. Or at least hugs!